he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
i came on her dog
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Randomize
