went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize