I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
