Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
