dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I'm too high and old for this...
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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