Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
