The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
