I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
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