how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Randomize
