We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
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