haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I use my feet as sexual weapons
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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