Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
