please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Randomize
