I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
