Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
