So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
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