ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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