would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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