Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I will die if light touches me.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
