IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
