im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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