I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
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