I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
zippers are such a cool invention
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
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