u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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