Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
