This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
