you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Randomize
