32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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