maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Randomize
