I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
