if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
