I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Randomize
