ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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