kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Randomize
