She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize