u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Drunk is not a location!
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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