The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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