I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Randomize