In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Randomize
