i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I will be naked everywhere
I fill condoms, not promises.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
