My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
that is very illegal...i love you.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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