i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
be right there i have to get my cape
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
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