haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
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