I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Semen is not good for contacts.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
