now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
