fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Randomize
