Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
you told grandpa to call you daddy
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
