Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
