brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Randomize
