Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
