So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Randomize