Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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