so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
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