it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
the gays at disneyland are vicious
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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