So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
