You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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