His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize