Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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