I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
