Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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