She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
