she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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