When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize