Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
