Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
