just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
