So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
