You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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