he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
