I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
