I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
The beer is more important than you right now.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
