How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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