i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
