About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
