just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
where does the pee come out of this thing
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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