apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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