I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
