when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
ttyl tear gas
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
