Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
