Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
