so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
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