every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
