in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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