I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
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