i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
