Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
operation harelip BJ is a go
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
