Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
