my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize