If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
