I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
