were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
