Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
she peed on how many people?
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
