I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize