The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
