Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
