I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Randomize
