Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
wow bdsm is so cute
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
