I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
