can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
