I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
